Summer 2011

I'm in Taiwan right now because I had to show up for the opening of an exhibit which involves my mom's family at the national 228 museum. I've only been here for a week, and I've realized that I desperately need to relearn (really, learn) Chinese. If my department will allow it and not frown upon it, I am going to take a class in it at UCLA. Hopefully it's not too late for my brain to learn something linguistic.

In Taiwan, I feel really at ease. It's probably because I am not working here and I don't have to pay rent or cook for myself in the kitchen and take out the trash when the trash trucks come playing Fur Elise or really worry about life stuff while I'm here with my mom's extended family, but I really like it here. Assuming my Chinese is passable by the time I enter the job market, I will consider searching for a job here. A UCLA alum from last year apparently got placed at National Taiwan University, which is pretty cool and indicates that it is possible if I work really hard.

I passed both of my second-year fields so things are looking pretty good on the grad school front. Right now, I'm preparing for my advancement to candidacy (ATC) presentation that I need to give when I go back to UCLA to formally transition to being a Ph.D. candidate. Thankfully, VPN will allow me to access all the journals I need access to so I can hopefully get it done in the next few days.

In July, I moved to a new apartment with a friend in my program, Allen. Moving everything from our apartments using a U-Haul truck to the new one was quite tiring, but it worked out in the end.

no longer a bachelor....... of economics.

My Master's of Arts in Economics was conferred to me via a very impersonal e-mail. It didn't even say that my degree was in economics; it simply said that my "MASTER OF ART" degree was conferred. I guess whoever programmed the script left an pretty important field out. But at least it read "GO BRUINS!" at the end.

I'm set on studying Industrial Organization and Econometrics as my two fields. I'm already swamped with work, but at least I'm not as disgruntled about it as I was a year ago. I'm almost done with my paper for a class from last quarter (which is already more than 3 weeks late) and I have a bunch of problem sets to do this week for econometrics. Tomorrow I'm giving a short homework presentation estimation with lagged variables with Miao, but the problem is my code doesn't seem to exhibit the results that the professor wanted, and it's already 12:50 a.m.

I'm a teaching assistant for ECON101, which is the last course in the undergrad microeconomics sequence. Formally, it's called Microeconomic Theory, and it serves mostly as an introduction to game theory. I must say that the undergrads here are receiving a much stronger undergraduate education in economics than I did at my alma mater. The stuff my students are learning now was taught mostly in my upper division Game Theory course back at Maryland. I'm optimistic about it though, since I've heard that it has been going the whole nine yards in terms of revamping the undergrad program, making it much more math-intensive. Anyway, I really enjoy being a TA for the class because at this level, the students are mostly econ or business econ majors and want to really learn the stuff.

end of fall quarter 2010

The exam week is almost over for the fall quarter. The only exam I had was on Monday and it was in Contract Theory, and needless to say, I was defeated by it. I did in fact study for it, but maybe not with the same fervor (read: desperation) as I had during exam periods last year.

Right now, I have to finish two papers for Economic History and one last Search Theory assignment, and then I'm going back to Maryland on Sunday, Dec 12. Oh, and I have to help proctor the final exam of Principles of Microeconomics, which I have been TAing for this past quarter.

Speaking of TAing, I was assigned to be a teaching assistant for the Microeconomic Theory course under Professor Bill Zame next quarter. Before I came here to UCLA, one day I was reading off the names of faculty to my dad and Zame's name caught his attention. This was because when my dad was a senior at Caltech, he was the grader for the graduate abstract algebra course, which Zame was taking as a junior. My dad recalls an instance where Zame argued with my dad about why these or those points were taken off on one assignment. This story has only remained folklore among my cohort, since I have not had the chance to bring it up with the professor. But yeah that'd be pretty cool if he remembers my dad too.

Plans for the winter? I have to write an econometrics paper on kernel estimators and modality robustness for my metrics class. Oh, and I'm getting at least one wisdom tooth pulled. Other than that, hopefully it'll be relaxing with family and friends. I also need to be thinking about what topics to write my field papers on.

my cat

My cat is alive and doing reasonably well. One year ago, he was on the verge of succumbing to septic shock and all the bad stuff that is associated with being unable to urinate. This would cause his bladder to overflow and open wide the opportunity for infection to set in. I'm no doctor or veterinarian, but that didn't sound cool. When I was younger, my pets seemed to always die when I was away from home. For instance, every time I went to Johns Hopkins' CTY program in the summer, one of my guinea pigs would die. I didn't want my cat to fall into this category as a mere statistic, so I made sure my parents did what they could to help him.

This started when after ~9 days of being away, my cat stumbled into the house late at night. My dad had been worried by himself (my mom was in Taiwan dealing with family affairs), and he wrote me an e-mail as soon as he discovered my cat and all seemed to be well. It took my mom coming home from Taiwan a couple days later and seeing my cat for my parents to realize that my cat had broken bones and was unable to urinate. We concluded that either he was hit by a menacing bicycle, or he boldly jumped down from a high platform and hurt himself.

My parents ended up taking him to the vet twice a day each time to get his bladder expressed. That must have sucked and been awkward for him, but at least my cat didn't have to pay money for it.. my poor parents did. The vet was kind enough to charge my parents only once per day instead of twice. Anyway, after a few weeks, my cat was finally able to urinate by himself.

Thanks Yichen for reminding me to write this. I'll see you in a few weeks bro(ther).

no subject

i also promise to update this more often

Being a good TA

Draft from like 2 weeks ago

So I'm working as a teaching assistant in the Department of Economics this quarter (and barring me getting fired or expelled from UCLA, for the next two quarters). Right now, I'm teaching two sections of ECON 1, which is an introductory microeconomics course for undergrads.

I must say, I have been enjoying teaching. I feel like I'm making a true difference by helping educate undergrads. It's as if as a graduate, I'm part of the "old" generation in an overlapping generations model, and I'm transferring my knowledge to the "young" generation so that when they become old, they'll do the same for the generation after them. Indeed, even though I never went to section at Maryland, some TAs older than me were doing the same for my generation. It's the circle of life.

Anyway, I still become visibly nervous when I start lecturing because I feel like I'm being evaluated by my students. I become so nervous that I make mistakes in my explanations or doing problems on the board. So my sections are one right after the other, so what happens is that I mess up pretty bad in the 1st section, and I feel like I've already lost face so I let loose in the 2nd section, and it ends up going pretty well. I need to practice more so I can teach my first section well.

I think I might be trying a bit hard. I go over the problems that the professor wants the TAs to do, but tonight, I'm writing my 2nd set of TA notes. I feel like if I cannot clarify things well for my students, they will be lost and then they won't do well on the exams and then it'll be all my fault. Somebody told me that when a TA isn't clear, the students will just assume that the material is too difficult for them to understand it fully. But on the other hand, when I'm being unclear, I know it's my fault that they don't understand.

moving on

So I finally passed all my comprehensive exams and can rest easy for a while. Barring some major meltdown when writing my field papers, it seems like I am safely in the Ph.D. program.

What's next? Many huge sighs of relief. Also, the quarter has already started and it looks like I am concentrating on econometrics and industrial organization. That may change though, as I may change to micro theory or macroeconomics/monetary.

I know it's only the end of the 1st year, but in most economics programs, it is the most stressful since most of the program's attrition occurs at the conclusion of it. I would like to thank my parents, unnamed friends, unnamed professors for their unequivocal support, and thank Patrick for literally helping me start this journey. I'm not sure when I can start naming people (especially professors) in posts because I'm pretty sure this would turn up in a Google search.

a real post

But okay, here's a real post I guess. Finals for the second quarter are coming up in a couple weeks and then my parents are coming to visit me here in LA. Then I'm probably going to Vegas for a couple days to chill with Mischa. Then I'm going to turn into a hermit, get jacked up on rum and coke (minus the rum) and jagerbombs (minus the jager), and study my ass off until I take my comprehensive exams ~100 days from now.

Martha's Table

I went back to Martha's Table in D.C. on Monday. It's surprising that the kids still remember me even though I started flaking in my commitment to volunteer at the beginning of my senior year. When I got there and came to the room of Group D, whose kids i am the most familiar with, Iencountered looks of "who the hell is this guy?" After a few tense seconds, it dawned on the kids who I was. "Hey it's uh.. Suh-..."

"It's Siwei!" I said, finishing his sentence.

The next thing that happened was Jalon challenging me to a game of Dots. It must have been two years since i taught these kids that game, yet they still remember that.

I started volunteering at Martha's Table my freshman year because I was interested in tutoring. I would go once a week, but stopped my senior year because I felt that I had too much on my place to handle. I still feel bad about it. Worse yet, I never really said goodbye to the teachers and kids there before I left for LA. At least now I have my chance to say goodbye. I definitely owe them something because my experience there has definitely shaped my character and allowed me to mature in a way that College Park couldn't. I'm looking forward to returning on Monday.

belief

I used to think I could handle economics but then I took graduate level macro.

thanksgiving 2009

I know Thanksgiving ended hours ago (even on the west coast) but I thought I'd write an entry for it. I ended up staying in Los Angeles because winter break is two weeks from Saturday (which also means finals are coming up wayyyy too soon, ugh) so I thought it wouldn't really be worth the effort, time, or money to see my parents in MD for 3 days, come back to LA for two weeks, and then stay with them again in MD for three weeks.

Luckily for me, I didn't spend the holiday alone because Eric invited everybody in our program to a potluck dinner at his place. Allen and I made mashed potatoes and ohh boy.. did we look like assholes. First, Sean also brought mashed potatoes, and in a larger quantity and perhaps a higher quality, but I don't know since I didn't try it. Second, Katie made the best mashed SWEET potatoes I have ever had (or maybe I've never had sweet potatoes mashed.. but whatever it was awesome). She also made a wonderful pumpkin pie ... FROM SCRATCH. I guess our mashed potatoes were from scratch too but we didn't have to gut a whole fresh pumpkin to make it. And third, everybody else's dishes owned our mashed potatoes. Except for Richard's fish sticks.

Anyway, the food was fantastic and I really enjoyed spending more time with classmates especially away from the context of school (although we did end up talking about economics. Then we decided to call it a night.)

I am thankful for many things in my life. Here's a short list:

1) I'm really glad to be in Los Angeles. I'd lived all 22 years of my life in Maryland, so the change in scenery was definitely welcome.

2) I was able to overcome the mysterious illness that struck me sophomore year. When it first happened, I thought it was devastating to my quality of life, but it's been more than 2 years, and I can say that it hasn't held me back, especially academically. I may write about this in the future.

3) I'm thankful my cat isn't dead. I will also write a post about this.

The promised posts will likely come after my exams are over. Anyway, I hope everybody had a good Thanksgiving.

macro owns me

I haven't updated this for more than 5 weeks and a (relative) lot has transpired since then. The most pressing aspect of being at UCLA so far has been the first set of midterm exams. They hit me in this order: macroeconomics, microeconomics, and econometrics. This coincidentally matches the order of my self-guesstimated strengths in economics from weakest to strongest. As you may have guessed, I did the absolute worst on macro. It was the first graduate level exam of my academic career, so I didn't know what to expect. Excuses aside, I did poorly both absolutely and relative to the rest of my first year econ class, as I was almost the minimum score, but edged it out just barely.

Microeconomics and econometrics went well, as I scored above the average and median on both exams. But this is partly because many non-econ students take those classes, particularly those from the Anderson School of Management, so I'm not sure where I stood among my econ peers but probably much better than where I was in macro.

While micro and econometrics have been going alright, I'm worried about macro. Since the midterms, we've had a change in professors teaching the class and the new professor has assigned a TON of readings and "problem sets" that for some peculiar and illogical reason are not graded. I suppose as a graduate student, I need to be doing a lot of self-study. Which doesn't work so well with me because of another excuse: I think my mindset is still that of my undergraduate studies at Maryland. I seriously need to play some serious catchup and less playstation 3.

To partially misquote the Wizard of Oz: I have a feeling I'm not in Maryland anymore.

in the groove

So I was playing some In The Groove last week (which is essentially a more difficult copy of the step-dancing arcade game DDR) when I experienced an epiphany. So the way the game works is that for 3 quarters, you can play the step charts of a sequence of three songs. You complete steps charts by stepping on arrows that correspond to the arrows on the screen. The goal is to pass the songs successively. If you don't, and say, fail on the first song, your turn ends and you won't be able to choose a 2nd or 3rd song to play. The measure of success in the game is a bar which maximizes when you complete a lot of steps in a row, and drops as soon as you start missing steps. When the bar runs empty, you fail.

Anyways, I was playing this difficult song (for my level) and I had almost reached the end when I encountered a difficult stream of steps. I started missing some and I panicked. Since it was only the 2nd song, I knew that if I managed to get through the last leg of the song, I'll be able to choose a third song (and not waste 25 cents). Instead of looking out for the arrows coming up, my eyes darted to the dwindling bar on the screen. I don't know why, maybe because I wanted some assurance that I had some chance left to survive the last seconds of the song. Obviously, I failed.

What I took away from this was that it isn't the desired result that matters. It is (literally) the steps you take to get there that does. I definitely need to change my attitude towards various aspects of my life, especially graduate school. Before moving to Los Angeles, I was so psyched about studying at UCLA, getting a Ph.D. in economics, and either remaining in academia or selling out and working on Wall Street and eventually being charged and convicted for constructing an even greater Ponzi scheme, but I didn't really think about the steps required to get to those results. My undergrad studies at Maryland were relatively easy and I think I forgot what it was like to be overwhelmed academically and intellectually as I was at Blair. I'm beginning to remember as I face three problem sets all due in the coming week.

shaky start

The fall quarter at UCLA started on Thursday. That same day, I received an e-mail from John Riley saying essentially that the math boot camp exam diagnosed me as a complete failure in real analysis and recommended that I get some more practice (by staying in the math class). So in addition to taking macro, micro, and econometrics, I have a math class that meets for one hour each week. Needless to say, I was depressed by this. Moreover, I was disappointed in myself. The diagnostic quiz was really easy because it was based entirely on stuff covered during the math boot camp. I just neglected to study optimization in choice over time and lo and behold, one question amounting to 1/3 of the exam was on that. The class really isn't bad though. It has a really relaxed atmosphere and I enjoy Professor Riley's teaching methods. It's also good practice in proofs and such for the more math-intensive economics classes.

So far I've only had proper lectures in micro and macro since the Thursday class of metrics was a syllabus day, and it's cancelled for the current week. In micro we're learning about rational preference and its properties, which is the topic of our first problem set due in a week. This is actually my first graduate school problem set and I'm very excited.

In macro we talked about the history of macroeconomics and how classical economics was destroyed by the Great Depression and how Keynes came up and how his fellowship of Keynesian economists dominated macro until the oil crisis of the 70's, etc. It really impressed on me how important macroeconomics is. Also, this is my first macroeconomics class since my freshman year of college so.. we'll see where my interests lie a year from now.

Yesterday Sam, Allen, Jennie and I went to Koreatown to eat at a restaurant that specialized in tofu soup. Amazing stuff. It's too bad none of us brought a camera because there was so much food impressively served to us. We got the works: unlimited kimchi, a fried fish (which i ate whole except for the head (and including the bones) because I thought that's what you do with fried food but I guess not), a good amount of rice, pickles, some other stuff I don't remember because I'm cooking-illiterate, and a raw egg to put in our boiling tofu soup. The leftover juice from the rice was also scooped out and served to us towards the end of the meal to neutralize the spicy taste of the chili sauce-ridden tofu soup. All for $9 plus tax and tip.

Afterwards, we hit up a nearby Korean supermarket where I bought kimchi, chili sauce, tofu, noodles, and pork loins because I'm trying to learn from Sam how to make kimchi soup. I made some today for lunch, and I'm pretty sure I failed.

So there. I updated my blog. Oh, and it's been a while since I set up my room.. and I still have no pictures. I first need to clean this place up.

first day of "class"

Math boot camp started today. My friends laugh when I describe it as such.. but that's what it really is. It's a crash course in real analysis and linear algebra. Crash course in the sense that we're spending minutes on topics that would normally take half a lecture period. We were shown a proof of the existence of converging subsequences of bounded sequences by the iterative shading out of quadrants on the blackboard. Yeah.

For those of you who don't know, my laptop went out of commission apparently because of a bad chip of RAM. I talked to Dell and its contractor while on the road to LA and everything managed to work out. My parents brought it over here when they came to visit this past weekend.

I have most of my room furnished. I still need to build the dresser, a small cabinet/drawer thing, and a loveseat. Pictures of the room will come later when everything's up and I clean up the mess I've made over the last week.

So yeah, my parents came to visit over the Labor Day weekend. On Friday they flew in at 1:30 a.m. after missing their first flight from DC. I didn't go to sleep until maybe 4 a.m. that night >___<. On Saturday I had to wait around for an Ikea delivery and then we saw one of my mom's research collaborators at UCLA Neuroscience. Then we went to see my dad's old high school classmate at her house in Whittier. She had a couple other guests and family members over and yeah.. they were all about the same age. Despite the age difference, it's still good to know that my parents and, by association, I have good friends in the LA area. I got this sick shot of the LA skyline from her house up in the hills:

On Sunday we went to Pasadena to see my dad's alma mater Caltech. For dinner we ate at a really good Chinese restaurant in Arcadia. It was interesting to see so many plazas with signs all in Chinese.

So yeah, that pretty much sums up the visit from the parentals. Here's a picture of me and my mom right before I took my parents to LAX on Monday:

And thank Patrick for the awesome pic at the top. [EDIT: I removed the video and picture of my father cause he's paranoid of the interwebz.]

finally in LA

We finally arrived in Los Angeles in one piece. We took 10 through downtown LA to 405 took it north to Wilshire Blvd and arrived at UCLA. We're staying in the UCLA Guest House which is pretty neat. And, it's a lot better than our stays at the Marriott hotels already.. free wi-fi access (I'm actually logged in with my own username and password, but Patrick's using the info provided by the school), free breakfast in the morning, and very friendly greeters.

The first strange yet awesome thing about this place which Patrick noticed was that the road signs on the highways have BARBED WIRE on them.. which presumably are intended to prevent gang members from tagging the signs with spray paint. Haha, here's a pic:

There is also an aburdly high amount of traffic in Los Angeles. Here's another pic:

After eating at a Baja Fresh in Westwood (lame, I know, but we were just trying to find some food), we went to Ikea to buy a mattress and box spring to move into my apartment tomorrow. The dusk/night-time drive to and back from the Ikea in the San Fernando Valley was pretty exciting. We spotted fires in the mountains towards the east, a strong indication that the wildfires dangerously close to LA are far from quelled. Anyway, driving on the curvy roads through the hills was almost as exhilirating as driving in the desert at night in Arizona.

Move-in to me 385 sq ft apartment is tomorrow.

tucson after dallas

Writing from Tucson, Arizona at a Marriott where hotel wi-fi service costs $9.99 a day, but I can still connect to the University of Arizona's open wifi network. For free. Anyway, the drive here was alright. We went through El Paso, passing dangerously close to the Mexican border. We could see the Rio Grande and an enormous Mexican flag flying across it. The highlight of the day occured shortly thereafter. When we got into New Mexico, we were actually caught in a U.S. Border Patrol's dragnet. The patrolwoman asked me and Patrick individually if we were U.S. citizens. Haha, it was pretty intense for me at least. Here's a picture of the Border Patrol checkpoint:

After eating dinner at KFC because McDonald's was overpriced, we hit the road again, going west on Interstate 10 after the sun set and the moon shone brightly. Let me tell you.. driving in the desert at night feels so unreal.. in a good way. I10 has two lanes in each direction and in Arizona on a Sunday night, there aren't many cars on the road. It felt great to essentially have the road to myself and the slight fear of the unknown and of possible perils made it even more exhilirating. Here's a picture from during the drive, which I'd like to think is blurry because I was driving that fast.

So, since the last post on this blog we spent Saturday and Saturday night in Dallas with Mischa. We went to Dealey Plaza, the place where President John F. Kennedy was assassinated allegedly by a lone gunman named Lee Harvey Oswald. We went to the Sixth Floor museum about the assassination where I stood from the window from which Oswald allegedly fired his shots at the President. It was overwhelming to see Dealey Plaza, Elm St, and the Grassy Knoll from the 6th floor window. My knowledge of the tragedy comes only from Wikipedia and the Oliver Stone movie "JFK" but I was still in awe of the fact that I was actually standing at the historic scene.

Anyway here's a picture of two tourists standing on Elm Street on an "x" which, I'm guessing, marks the spot where Kennedy received the fatal headshot. The picture was taken from the fence on the Grassy Knoll, from which the most popular conspiracy theory claims at a (at least) second gunman stood and delivered the fatal shot. They and other tourists who also thought it would be cool to stand there were almost hit by cars (cause Elm St is actually a road.. on which cars drive..) and proved to be one of the most entertaining moments of our stay in Dallas.

Later that evening we got some steak fajitas at a TexMex place, which were delicious. Anyway, we need to move the car by 8 a.m. tomorrow to have free parking, so I'm going to sleep soon. Bonne nuit!

Dallas

I am now sitting in the living room of my dear friend Mischa Jampolsky in Richardson, a suburb of the great city of Dallas in the great state of Texas. We just had dinner at a BBQ place which was basically Hooters but with 100x hotter waitresses. I think I like Texas already. When they say everything is bigger in Texas.. it's absolutely true. Except for the lanes on the highway, which were felt kinda narrow. And they use physical bumps as lane dividers instead of painted lines:

The drive here from Nashville was really tiring and boring. Interstate 40 and 30 just straight shots from Nashville to Memphis to Little Rock to Texarkana to Dallas. Here is a picture of road signs pointing the way to the state capital of Arkansas:

I will probably upload all the pictures on Facebook sometime after Patrick and I accumulate more interesting images. Most of them are blurred images of grass and trees.. so yeah. I'm also exhausted from driving and honestly I want to save the more interesting images for when I'm not tired and can write coherently and Facebook. Yeah.

Nashville

We safely arrived in Nashville and just had some White Castle. What a great way to end the day. The drive itself was alright. US Interstate 81 really deserves its fame for its scenic route. Patrick took a bunch of pictures while I was driving on it.. will post them sometime.

leaving tomorrow

Tomorrow (well... at 9 a.m. today), I leave for Los Angeles. My route has changed from the last post to this blog. Instead of driving to Ann Arbor to pick up my cousin Patrick, he has flown down to Maryland so that we can begin the journey in Bethesda. We're going to stop in Nashville, Dallas (for two nights), Tucson, and finally LA.

Saying goodbye to friends has been difficult, but bearable. Instead of descending into despair or sadness, I am overwhelmed with a feeling of a great void. People who I have befriended and grown to trust and love for many years of my life will suddenly no longer be relevant in my daily life. I won't be able to call the same old friends to grab a bubble tea, to play tennis, to play poker, to hit the bars, to play ps3, or to play counter-strike. I supposed I could still play video games with friends, but the ping would be too damn high.

For the first time in my life, I will be completely alone. I'll know one person (sorta) in Los Angeles and one more in the SoCal area. Parents won't be 15 miles away like they used to when I was at the University of Maryland. This is definitely a great opportunity for me to finally mature (albeit steadily since I'll still be in an academic setting), but I fear that I may become lonely. I'll surely meet people through my classes and campus activities, but the familiarity of setting and deep connections with many people that I've enjoyed in the 22 years of my life will be lost. I will still have the memories and hopefully they'll comfort me as I embark on my journey across the country and as I settle in to a brave new world (for me). Oh, and MSN and AIM will comfort me as well.

Farewell Maryland. I owe you and your flagship university an immense debt. Thank you friends for your support, patience, understanding and the memories throughout the years. And thank you ma and pa for being not-so-Asian and supportive of my decision to move 2700 miles away. I'm not sure when, but I hope to return in even happier times.