Draft from like 2 weeks ago
So I'm working as a teaching assistant in the Department of Economics this quarter (and barring me getting fired or expelled from UCLA, for the next two quarters). Right now, I'm teaching two sections of ECON 1, which is an introductory microeconomics course for undergrads.
I must say, I have been enjoying teaching. I feel like I'm making a true difference by helping educate undergrads. It's as if as a graduate, I'm part of the "old" generation in an overlapping generations model, and I'm transferring my knowledge to the "young" generation so that when they become old, they'll do the same for the generation after them. Indeed, even though I never went to section at Maryland, some TAs older than me were doing the same for my generation. It's the circle of life.
Anyway, I still become visibly nervous when I start lecturing because I feel like I'm being evaluated by my students. I become so nervous that I make mistakes in my explanations or doing problems on the board. So my sections are one right after the other, so what happens is that I mess up pretty bad in the 1st section, and I feel like I've already lost face so I let loose in the 2nd section, and it ends up going pretty well. I need to practice more so I can teach my first section well.
I think I might be trying a bit hard. I go over the problems that the professor wants the TAs to do, but tonight, I'm writing my 2nd set of TA notes. I feel like if I cannot clarify things well for my students, they will be lost and then they won't do well on the exams and then it'll be all my fault. Somebody told me that when a TA isn't clear, the students will just assume that the material is too difficult for them to understand it fully. But on the other hand, when I'm being unclear, I know it's my fault that they don't understand.
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siwei, you are one of the smartest people i know, and i know for a fact that you are no stranger to this idea. how is it that you can be so self confident yet self conscious about your intelligence?
ReplyDeletewhen you are up there, dont think of them as watching your every move. see them as you would see a friend who is looking to you for answers. (like kirah and i always did. hehe.)
Oh my god, it's as if every sentence you write had a mouth. And that mouth had a megaphone. And into that megaphone it screamed "SIWEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII" with all the strength of a soon to be beheaded William Wallace.
ReplyDeleteIn any case, I'm glad you've had this Lion King moment--hope teaching is a good experience and to see you during the Pagan Winter Festival Time.