in the groove

So I was playing some In The Groove last week (which is essentially a more difficult copy of the step-dancing arcade game DDR) when I experienced an epiphany. So the way the game works is that for 3 quarters, you can play the step charts of a sequence of three songs. You complete steps charts by stepping on arrows that correspond to the arrows on the screen. The goal is to pass the songs successively. If you don't, and say, fail on the first song, your turn ends and you won't be able to choose a 2nd or 3rd song to play. The measure of success in the game is a bar which maximizes when you complete a lot of steps in a row, and drops as soon as you start missing steps. When the bar runs empty, you fail.

Anyways, I was playing this difficult song (for my level) and I had almost reached the end when I encountered a difficult stream of steps. I started missing some and I panicked. Since it was only the 2nd song, I knew that if I managed to get through the last leg of the song, I'll be able to choose a third song (and not waste 25 cents). Instead of looking out for the arrows coming up, my eyes darted to the dwindling bar on the screen. I don't know why, maybe because I wanted some assurance that I had some chance left to survive the last seconds of the song. Obviously, I failed.

What I took away from this was that it isn't the desired result that matters. It is (literally) the steps you take to get there that does. I definitely need to change my attitude towards various aspects of my life, especially graduate school. Before moving to Los Angeles, I was so psyched about studying at UCLA, getting a Ph.D. in economics, and either remaining in academia or selling out and working on Wall Street and eventually being charged and convicted for constructing an even greater Ponzi scheme, but I didn't really think about the steps required to get to those results. My undergrad studies at Maryland were relatively easy and I think I forgot what it was like to be overwhelmed academically and intellectually as I was at Blair. I'm beginning to remember as I face three problem sets all due in the coming week.